i think i feel different now. maybe the way he kisses me makes me feel more human, the way he looks at me and smiles like I’m worth something, the way he’s vulnerable and kind and more than anything i could ever be.
i think i realize now. that most people that start off together aren’t meant to stay together. that we’re all meant to keep looking for the one person that makes us feel like a cold ice tea on a hot summer day.
i think life is clearer now. i’ve been broken and bent. it’s not pretty, it’s not something i want to scream out to the world. but i am. i’ve let boys take me to other worlds, only to bring me back lonely and attached to a disfigured reality.
i think it’ll be easier now. he looks at me and i’m awake again. the ends of two worlds colliding. i don’t ache so much anymore. my heart is heavy so often but i feel like my cloud is slowly lifting.
i think i know what goodbye means now. the way i shipped off the last one, not hoping for anyone new. the way i let him go. the way i’m letting the new one go too.
i think i know that staying isn’t my decision now. he’s going to leave anyway. they all do. i have to remind myself of the sordid reality that my life is, but maybe this once i’ll slip back into a foggy illusion. i’ll let him take me to mercury this time. the other planets don’t mean much anymore.
i think i’ll be okay now. because the roses are redder, and the grass is the most beautiful shade of green. it’s wondrous to see the world in brighter tones. because i finally have hope again.
i think i’m happier now.