Sinner.

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How could I expect you to understand how it even feels?

How could I ever expect you to think of anyone other than yourself?

You’ve changed. I now understand that the person I knew was nothing but a shadow of the person that you truly are, and it breaks me to see the true you. You were the one thing keeping me whole, and as I sit here, 3 am on a Saturday night, I wonder why I can’t bring myself to pick up the pieces again.

It’s like clockwork. I remove myself from toxicity, only to be plunged into it again. Why is it that they find my fragility an invitation to tear me apart?

I think what hurts the most is acknowledging that you’re okay without me. My heart may wander off, it may go to a million others, but it’ll always belong with you.

You aren’t any different from those who have broken me before, but I am so much stronger now than I was when I first plummeted into darkness. My heart knows more now, and it does not need you, however much it may want you.

How is it that my heart cannot bear to see you with anyone else, but it cannot stand to be with you anymore?

You’ve ruined everything good you had in me. I was a different person with you, brighter, better, bolder. You made me the person I had always wanted to be, but maybe now I can see that being her wasn’t worth losing the true me.

I was proud of myself for being true to you, for believing in your love, for managing the distance. But you have ruined love for me. You have ruined my belief in the sanctity of love, you have sworn me off of anything that could remotely pierce my newly stone cold heart. Because you have done things that I could not even fathom. You became the person you denied you would ever become, and I realized when people called you a liar, I should have believed them.

And just because you were all I wanted, and all I ever needed, doesn’t mean it all crumbled when I finally realized that I could have you, even with our limitations. I could conquer the ocean for you, but you couldn’t conquer your own fears. I guess that’s where we lost ourselves.

Perhaps miracles only lie in our sins, and forever sinners we will be.

I have sinned for accepting your love, for the purity of love will forever play a broken record, resonating in my mind. It knows that you will forever be my gravest mistake. I know your truth is nothing but beautiful white lies, laced in ecstasy, and I have broken my own purity.

How is it that we love the people that will always break us?

(image via tumblr – http://theknivesunderthesheets.tumblr.com/post/172421943650/the-weeknd-call-out-my-name)

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